This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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