I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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