Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
