He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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