Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
