not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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