So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
