I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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