if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
we're so committed to being not committed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
