This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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