She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
