First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
