Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
