My cat gives me a boner
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
