I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
