Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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