So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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