well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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