I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
