I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
