She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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