I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize