my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize