matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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