Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
