I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
