Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
