For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
