She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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