it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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