my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
