You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
