The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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