You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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