what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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