Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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