Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
