the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize