the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize