she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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