The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
