So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
