Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
did i just pee glitter
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
