They should really pass out barf bags in church
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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