Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
