Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
