After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
