your thong is hanging out like whoa
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
