so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
