I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
