Got a toothbrush?
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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