youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
