We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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