get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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