just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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