Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
