Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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