Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
