My underwear smells like fireworks.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
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