But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
