I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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