You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
