Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize