I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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