You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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