Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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