Whod you bang
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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