The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
