Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
