Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
