I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
