fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
