Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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